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How can the church foster authentic community?
In a follow up to last month's post, I thought I would address how to create authentic community within the church. Although, I do question how many will get to the end of this post and think "well, yeah, of course!" It all comes down to one word... hospitality. No, not like the industry! Just simple, courteous, welcoming.
"But, Andrea," you may be saying, "we are a welcoming church! We have a welcome desk, a welcome committee, connection cards, a prayer ministry... we know how to welcome!"
Ah, but it's so much more than that. Before we get into it, as an act of hospitality to you, my reader, let me say here that any books I used quotes from are linked at the bottom of this post. Ok... let's go!
Allow me to ask a question. (One of many, you can be sure.) What is your church culture like? In A Church Called Tov McKnight & Barringer write that "every church is a distinct culture, formed and nurtured and perpetuated by the ongoing interaction of leaders and congregants." I find this a little bit ironic, and maybe a tad comical as well. Think about it. It kinda throws that whole "be in the world but not of the world" mindset out the window... I mean, yes you're out of the world, but now you're creating your own culture. A culture within the culture. Yes, you could argue with me, and I would expect nothing less. All I'm saying is that it tickles my funny bone a little.
So I ask again, in all seriousness, what is the culture of your church? Look around you on a Sunday morning. Is the congregation diverse? Is there room for different expressions? Who's taking the kids downstairs? Who's serving food? What does it smell like? Is it open and airy, or closed off and musty? Can you see out the windows? Who does the music appeal to? How are you accommodating different people that enter the building? What are the hidden messages you may be conveying that you hadn't considered? Here's a good one... if the pastor is given their well-deserved vacation, does the congregation take one too? Further to that, if they take one, is it because there isn't a service, or because the Pastor's away? If there's a guest speaker, how do they treat them, and who is the guest speaker?
Going back to McKnight and Barringer, they write that "more often, approval and disapproval [in the church] is communicated in [subtle] ways, such as through the passages of Scripture that are taught or not taught, who gets to be on the platform on Sundays, who is selected for leadership, or the prevailing narrative about how the church should interact with the word."
Do you notice any of these subtle disapprovals? What happens when you voice your concerns? How is conflict dealt with? Ooo, that's a good one. How does the church communicate with it's congregation? Yes, it is the responsibility of people to be at meetings if they want to be kept up to date on what's going on in the church, but have you noticed that some things aren't spoken about? Things that make you go "hmmmmmm." Avoid hospitality with an agenda. Yuck! Who wants to be a project anyway?
Have you looked at your statement of beliefs and by-laws? Have you looked into the denomination's treatment of gender, ethnicity, sexuality, divorce, etc.? Do they match your beliefs? Would a stranger be likely to come to your church after reading them, or would they be turned away by what they read? This is a difficult one to navigate because, as Marva Dawn shares, "Christians understand themselves as citizens of two kingdoms, for we can't escape our society, nor do we wish to withdraw from it since we want to minister to it." Yet another wrench in the "be in the world but not of the world" comment I made earlier. (That's John 17:11, 14-15, by the way - which is actually a prayer from Jesus. Interestingly, if you read 17:15 Jesus prays that we not be taken out of the world, but protected from the evil one. That's a bonus teaching for you.)
In her book Living in Community, Christine Pohl shares four practices to... well... live in community.
Embrace gratitude: Be thankful for what has happened in the past as a community. Recognize what has set you apart as a Christian community and be grateful for what you've endured together. (Side Note: My concern here is the potential for spiritual abuse to be overlooked in an effort to practice gratitude, and that's not okay. Want to know more about spiritual abuse? Read my post here.)
Making and keeping promises: It's all about integrity. Don't make a promise, alone or as a community, that have no intention of keeping. For me, that's much different than being unable to keep a promise. Be realistic in your expectations of yourself and your community.
Living truthfully: You don't like to be lied to, so don't lie to others. Spoiler alert: withholding pertinent information... lying. Also, "silenced truth is an unspoken lie." Thank you to Scot McKnight for that amazing little tidbit. I'm not saying we all air our dirty laundry, but honestly, how hard is it to just be truthful!? I'll bet it's not as hard as addressing hard truths with someone else. That's when someone gifted with exhortation is really valuable. They have the ability to tell the truth in a way that you still feel loved and cared for.
Practicing hospitality: Hey, wait, that's what this whole post is about! Let's carry on...
I have to admit, hospitality has gotten a little convoluted since ancient times. In her book Making Room Christine Pohl shares the history of Christian hospitality. She writes that "early Christian writers claimed that transcending social and ethnic differences by sharing meals, homes and worship with persons of different backgrounds was a proof of the truth of the Christian faith." Interesting. I wonder what different backgrounds meant? A church full of people that all looked the same and liked the same things? How long did they share homes for? That's something to ponder in our "you've worn out your welcome" culture. What did worship look like? They didn't have all the hymns, instruments, lights and sound systems we do.
Meals is an interesting one. In my course on hospitality we were given the assignment to share something from our lives that signified hospitality to us. Eight of the twelve students shared something to do with food. (I shared about casserole dishes, in case you were wondering. And if you weren't, well, you know anyway.) When food is served, conversation flows and people are put at ease. A shared meal is a shared experience where we get to know each other. And a shared clean-up is hospitality towards your host.
Henri Nouwen, a Catholic priest and amazing author said that hospitality "means primarily the creation of a free space where the stranger can enter and become a friend instead of an enemy. Hospitality is not to change people but to offer them space where change can take place." If you look around your church, is this what you see? Are people welcomed as they are? Or expected to change according to someone else's ideals? My advice to you, stay away from churches that have an unwritten agenda that seeks your conformity. Unity does not mean uniformity. Be wary of the "they're not a 'real' Christian" comments. It's not a competition. May I remind you that James and John tried to make it one? Jesus shut that down pretty quickly saying "whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant and whoever wants to be first must be slave to all" (Mk. 10:43-44). To paraphrase Ricky Bobby - you're not first, you're last.
Community is difficult because it is an ever moving organism. People come and go. Changes are made. Friendships are formed. Others are avoided. I hope that, if nothing else, I've called attention to some of the things to look for and look out for. So, how did I do, clear as mud? Did I miss anything or cause more confusion? Maybe it goes back to those two commandments Jesus shared,
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind.
Love your neighbour as yourself. (Hint: Everyone else is your neighbour)
Resources:
Unfettered Hope by Marva Dawn
A Church Called Tov by Scot McKnight & Laura Barringer
Pivot by Scot McKnight & Laura Barringer
Making Room by Christine Pohl
Living in Community by Christine Pohl
Ministry and Spirituality by Henri Nouwen
Please keep in mind that any links to books are through the affiliate program on Amazon.
This doesn't mean much for you, but if you decide to purchase a book I recommended, I'll get a little kick-back. Remember, I would not recommend something I don't support.
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