.png)
Today I'm listing my third most popular post of 2023. We'll take a look back at it and see what I would add now. Hint: If you click the title it will take you to the original post.
This post is actually from last month. I wish I could say that means I remember what I wrote... sadly, not the case. I had to go back and re-read it anyway. To briefly recap:
This post considered the difference between ancient hospitality and hospitality today. It's much different. I offered some questions that you can ask about your church culture that are pretty pertinent to determining what kind of church you attend.
What I would add:
If you look around your church, do some of the digging I suggested, and realize that maybe it isn't the church for you, I want to acknowledge you. Choosing to leave a church is an incredibly difficult decision. This is somewhere you've made friends and shared life with others. My hope and prayer for you is that if you raised questions that were not addressed, you do not experience "the second silencing." This is where you leave and barely, if ever, hear from the church (and your friends) again.
If you look around your church, do some digging, realize that your church has lots of room for improvement, and decide to stay in the hopes of enacting change, I want to acknowledge you. This will be a long, tough road. It takes time and willingness on the part of leadership to see the changes that must take place. I also want to say, if at some point you realize you've done all you can do, it's okay to move on. In these cases, you can part ways in a beautiful way as long as you're truthful in your reasons. Communication is key.
If you look around your church, do some digging, and realize that you love your church. Well, that's amazing! I'm happy for you!
Here's how spiritual direction can help...
In all of these situations, having a trained spiritual director can help you as you wrestle with, or enjoy, the emotions that come along with being part of a community. I've spent many agonizing hours with my director as I cried, talked, asked, lamented and rejoiced with all the changes going on in my spiritual life.
A spiritual director is someone who can help you identify unhealthy environments and process spiritual abuse in a safe, and gracious way. We may refer you to a therapist through this process because, while we can work within your spiritual life, often there has been much damage done to your emotional and psychological life in these situations as well. This is why I highly recommend choosing a spiritual director who is not part of your church, or even your denomination. When I was looking for my director, I chose someone from the Salvation Army. I knew that women could be officers and leaders in this denomination, and I wanted to see what that was like!
This has been a lot of fun, and I look forward to reviewing the post at number two!
Did any questions come to mind as you were reading? Leave me a comment and I'll respond.
Some extra resources:
I mentioned "the second silencing," here are two books that help you define the different terms within spiritual abuse:
Escaping the Maze of Spiritual Abuse by Lisa Oakley & Justin Humphreys (UK Based)
Trauma-Informed Evangelism by Charles Kiser & Elaine A. Heath (US Based)
I mentioned wanting to stay and help with change, this books offers practical ways to do just that:
Pivot by Scot McKnight & Laura Barringer (US Based)
Please keep in mind that any links to books are through the affiliate program on Amazon.
This doesn't mean much for you, but if you decide to purchase a book I recommended, I'll get a little kick-back.
Remember, I would not recommend something I don't support.
Opmerkingen